Alive.
First things first: I’m still here.
I know it’s been quiet for a long time, and I’m not great at telling this story in a neat or uplifting way, because the last year wasn’t uplifting at all. But at least I want to explain why there was no sign of life here for so long.
Short version: When you’re not really functioning – physically or mentally – even the things you love and care about can become impossible to deal with.
It started with having all of my teeth removed. I knew this had to happen, but I completely underestimated what it would do to me. Almost a year of surgeries, procedures, side effects and waiting for healing, and at some point my whole life felt like it was happening in the doctor’s office instead of in the real world.
What hit me even harder was the mental side of it.
Losing all your teeth is not just a technical problem. It messes with your identity in a way you don’t think about as long as everything is “normal”. My self-confidence was basically gone. I didn’t laugh, I avoided talking to people, I avoided being seen. And when your work and your life is about meeting people, talking to them, asking for photos or videos – that’s a big problem.
I adapted somehow, because you always do. But honestly, it was horrible.
In the middle of that time I lost something that was incredibly important to me. I won’t explain this part in detail, because it’s very personal, but it was something that had kept me stable for a long time, even when I felt lonely or lost.
Losing that broke me in a way I still haven’t really recovered from. I started questioning my whole life and where it’s even supposed to go from here.
This is not resolved by now. I’m still living with it and I’m not good at letting go.
And as if that wasn’t enough, I had my third heart attack a few months ago. Physically I was lucky, I had no permanent damage. But it does something to you when your own body keeps reminding you that it can fail at any moment. It’s hard to feel safe after that, and it’s hard not to think about how fragile everything actually is.
So why am I writing this now?
Partly because fussphantasie and cc-feet had their anniversary on January 18th.
And partly because almost every year there is this one ritual that matters to me a lot: The free “Lost & Found” archives. Normally this is just my quiet way of giving something back to you – photos and videos that never really found a place on the sites.
And even though this last year was a complete mess, I didn’t want to let this ritual disappear as well.
So yes, there is a new Lost & Found archive to download. Photos of socks and shoes which I have taken at random places.
There is also a short video preview from cc-feet in it from a project that I want to finish later this year.
I’m not making promises about speed or schedules, but this is something I care about a lot and something I want to see completed in 2026.
Still I don’t know how active I can really be, or how much I’ll manage in the near future.
This is not a “back to normal” post – it’s not.
But staying silent felt wrong and I didn’t want these places to turn into empty shells without a word.
There are also a lot of unanswered mails and pending account requests from this time. I’m aware of that and I know it’s not a great situation. I can’t give any promises about when or how fast this will be sorted out.
For now, this is just a sign that I’m still here and this is all I can honestly say…
So… now grab the free zip-archive (318 MB) and enjoy the content. I’d like to thank you for supporting me via your lovely messages and I’m grateful for all of you who stand by my side for many many years now. 
Marco